My Gift
by Yuxi
Summary: Inukag: Will I ever be good enough for her? Probably not...but she always stands by me. And i cannot help but love her for it.: short, sweet, one-shot, fluffy, enuf said.


Disclaimer: yea, I wish! 

Author's Notes: I just got this sudden burst of 'inspiration' (notice the quotation marks, I don't do inspiration…-_-) when re-re-re-watching episode 49 or so of inu yasha and I just HAD to write something about it. Don't flame me cuz of the little spiderman in here. I don't like spiderman (Sry comicbook fanatics) but I just had to put it in here cuz it fit so perfectly along with all the unneeded fluff and waff! :D don't forget to review!

~*~

It's hard to get by.

The pain inside and out.

The betrayals, the fights, the killing, the blood…

There's just no stop to it.

I have many weaknesses, it's hard to admit, but I do.

But I have so many strengths, or so she tells me.

I don't deserve her. She is much better off without me anyway. She doesn't need to stay with me. She can walk away any time she wants to and lead a happy, normal life.

But she doesn't. 

And for that, I can't stop loving her. She accepts me when I don't want to be accepted, she bothers me when I'm being unreasonable until I realize I need to be bothered, she loves me when no one else does.

I try to forget about her when she's gone. I hope she will never come back because all I can do is hurt her. 

I used to love another like her. But they are so different.

The first one I loved because she accepted me when no one else did. But only because she was alone as well as me. She kept to herself; she wasn't sunshine and smiles all the time, actually, quite the opposite. But I loved her with all my being. And perhaps I still do. 

But with _HER_, it's so comforting to know she'll always be there for me. 

I don't need to act, and even if I do, she sees right through it.

Maybe it was meant to be, maybe it wasn't. But when I'm with her, my life seems to hold purpose again. The pain lessens and she can't stop herself from lifting my mood up. 

Perhaps it's just me being stupid. I don't deserve someone as wonderful as she. After all, she has 2 other guys chasing after her and doing anything they could to get her. What do I offer her? Nothing but pain and sadness…yet…she chooses to stay by me. 

Why? 

I don't know.

Will it be forever? 

No, probably not.

Do I want it to be?

…

Yes, I do. I want her to be by my side forever. Until the day that I die, I want her to stay with me and comfort me when I'm afraid. I want her to tell me everything will be okay; and that I am worthy of everything I get, whether it be good or bad.

She is my curse.

Always there to nag at me when something goes wrong, never stops being happy, like a ray of sunlight that can't be stopped.

Wherever I turn, there she is to tell me when I do something wrong. She always wants me to apologize, or help people out, or tries to stop me from losing my temper. I can't help it it's my nature!

But afterwards, I can see that with each time, all she does is make a little part of me better. With each person I help, the burden lifts a little; the days get a little easier to get by and I guess I'm happier. 

Still, with her around, it's just harder to concentrate on my goal to become a youkai. With her, I don't want to be anything except just me. And I have hated that since the day I learned just how hard my life would be being a hanyou. My mother died that way…the only one who loved me unconditionally…

Until…her…

She loves me. 

Sometimes it's still so hard to understand why. She has so much to live for; with me, she'll just be unhappy and alone.

But she tells me it isn't true. I want to believe her, I really do. Still, on days when she's gone, I can't feel her happiness and warmth. I am cold again, and I don't want to be cold. My other friends tell me I'm an idiot for not seeing how she really feels about me. But it's not true because I do see.

I have seen a long time ago.

However, I cannot acknowledge it or I will just pain her more. I can't give her what she wants from me, all the things she deserves, and I will never be able to get them for her.

Sometimes I wish that she would just stay away, to save me the trouble of facing her to tell her goodbye. I don't have to do it yet, but I know that I will have to.

Then, I instantly regret it. She has done nothing to me except help me. She will always be here to help me through times when I think I can't go on. She is always here to tell me that she loves the way I am…she doesn't want me to change. So then, I don't want to change either…because I want to make her happy.

Why would I care how she feels? 

I don't know. I don't think I ever will. But I want to love her so much in return. I want to, but I can't. I will not allow myself to. Because in the end, I'll just end up destroying her like I do to everybody else I care about. And I just can't let that happen to her. 

She is so special. Like no other.

And there I can say, she is my gift.

Someone special given to me by the gods to help me be a better person. I never asked to be; sometimes I don't want to be. It's so hard. When I see her sad, I am willing to do anything to make her happy. When she is in pain, I want to take it upon myself so she can stop hurting.

Has anyone ever made me feel this way before?

No…but the one I loved before came close.

I can't choose which one I want to be with. Well, I suppose I can…but I don't want to. Sometimes, I do want to, just to stop the hurting for a while. But I know that if I choose, I'd just end up hurting the other one. 

I don't want anyone else to hurt for my sake; too many people have suffered already.

She is my gift…she is my curse.

She is my Kagome.

Mine…

"Inu Yasha!" 

I snapped out of my reverie and looked down from my tree. And there she stood, with a gentle smile on her beautiful face, looking up and waving. I felt the warmth return and knew.

I can try.

I can always try to stop loving and caring for her.

Except I can't.

My heart won't let me.

She is my weakness; I would bow down to anything if she were threatened in any way.

But she is my strength too; without her, my soul would have been consumed by darkness and despair a long time ago.

I jumped down beside her and looked into her soft brown eyes. She smiled at me and took my hand. I could feel the sparks shooting up my arm at her soft touch and porcelain skin. She sighed and led me to the rest of the group happy and content. 

For just a while, I felt myself smile a little too. Her intoxicating scent of strawberries and cream swirled around me and for just a while, I knew what true happiness was.

She is my gift, my curse, my Kagome, forever.

And I love her.

~*~

Told ya, very, very SHORT but very, very sweet. :D now I have a warm bubbly feeling inside! :D so just review and tell me what u think of it! I feel good now…okay! Gonna go do some science homework! -______________- :D till next time!

Yush


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